Do you think some people deserve a second chance?

Do they, really?

Hey guys! Missed me? Well, I definitely missed you guys. And yes, I know I've been MIA, even I'm surprised I haven't had more to share. Because honestly, October has been a whirlwind- we are not even midway yet and I'm already ready for it to be over! I've been very busy with my clinical posting. If my brain isn't calculating how to record in a patient's folder, it's probably calculating how to serve an IV medication.

But even with all that chaos, I wanted to find a way to connect with you all. So, I came with a question.

There's no particular reason why I'm asking this question. Because I'm someone that asks a question that I already have an answer to. I just need confirmation that I'm among other crazy few.😂 We can say I'm a member of the “already-have-the-answer-but-ask-anyway” club. And it's crazy how we do that, isn't it? Sometimes we know what we want to say, but we need that extra validation, that extra confirmation. That's why we send our writing to a friend to see whether it stands well. It's almost like we are testing our own thoughts, making sure they hold up in the real world.

So, back to the question “do you think some people deserve a second chance?” I'll say it depends on four things.

• The offense : What did they do? Was it a minor mistake? Like, they took something of mine without asking me first. That's something I'd get mad about but I can easily look away. Was it a careless oversight? Or is it something truly harmful and deliberate? Now, let's talk on deliberate. I feel like someone that does something to you and deliberately did it, can kill you. It's a calculated choice, a decision made with malice aforethought. It's not a mistake, they wanted to. They are making a conscious decision to hurt you. It's like they are saying “I see you, I know you, and I choose to cause you harm.” Tell me, can't such a person take a knife and actually stab you? They won't even do it from the back, they'll look dead into your soul and do that to you. There's no second chance in such a situation for me. I can't even do that tiktok trend where they say, “I'm healed, bring me another-” Another what, pls? Pack your kaya and go. Let's not meet again, in this life and the next! There's no “second chance” for those who chose to deliberately hurt you.

• The remorse : Did they show genuine remorse and take responsibility? Are they actively trying to make amends and learn from their mistakes? There's a deep seated fear of accountability within us, especially women. We tend to shift blame, justify our actions and downplay our role in things, even when we know we acted poorly. We often find it easier to point fingers than to take a hard look in the mirror.

  I don't know if it's just me, but there's this comfort when you tell someone that they did something really hurtful and they actually hold themselves to account and apologize and really try to do better. There's a second chance for such a person, for me. But when you are trying to play the “ehnnn, that's not what actually happened. You did this and that too-”. That's where you have the partner or friend that would gaslight you into thinking it's not that deep. There's a difference between genuine regret and deflecting blame. And the moment, I get that you are trying to do that, that's the end of whatever it is we had. Imma burn that bridge, and imma burn it fast. Punta la gasolina!

• The potential for change : Do they seem capable of changing their behaviour, or is there a high risk of repeating the same actions?

  Someone that deliberately harmed you can't change. Months of dialogue can't explain why they did such a thing to you. So, all that “I can change them”, it's not going to work. But someone that wants to right their wrong will actively show that they are ready to do something and that's the person that deserves a second chance. You can't force someone to change and you can't be responsible for their actions. The only thing you can control is your reaction, and that means setting boundaries.

• The impact : How did their actions affect you? Is there a risk of repeating that harm if they are given a second chance? My dear, if it's not looking good, then it's not looking good. Don't make excuses for their actions. They know what they did and they'll probably do it again!

So, my lovelies. We are not all about forgiveness. Sometimes, the best thing you can do is burn that bridge and move on. It's not about being heartless, it's about knowing your worth and protecting your peace.

Till whenever…

Your anonymous bestie

Ree🤍