Ghosting

As the ghoster, the ghosted or both.

Hello my lovelies, it's been a minute. Oh no, it's been so long, I've almost forgotten how to use the internet.

I come bearing gifts - my ramblings. I wanted to talk about something, something we've all probably experienced, both as the “ghoster” and the “ghosted” : ghosting. You know that thing where you are having a great conversation with someone, throwing first date questions at each other, thinking you'll probably be married the next day, and then they just… vanish.

No explanation, no promise of a wedding, no goodbye, just poof. It's a situation we've all been on both sides of.

Ghost : Call of duty, ig🤭

I recently stumbled across a post on Instagram (yes, through my usual doomscrolling 👀) that really made me think. It stated “ghosting is self care,” but a commenter countered with the idea that ghosting is actually a trauma response for fear of abandonment, lemme leave before they leave me.

I hadn't considered ghosting from that angle before, and that's understandable because everyone thinks differently. To be fair, my reason for ghosting most of the time is because I don't know how to respond to messages like a simple “okay” or a sticker, which is probably true for 99% of my cases. But this made me consider the other 1%, the ones I'm always giving the excuse that the message has gone too far down, I just didn't see it.

But all this got me thinking, and I wondered, maybe…

Maybe I do ghost people because I feel anxious about being left, so I leave first.

Maybe I feel like leaving first feels less painful than waiting for them to disappear. And if that's the case, maybe it's a form of self sabotage.

Now, let's talk self sabotage…

According to chatGPT, self sabotage is a pattern of behaviour where you unconsciously (or sometimes consciously) hinder your own success, happiness or wellbeing.

Self-sabotage takes many forms, and ghosting falls under the umbrella of relationship sabotage. When someone creates conflict or becomes overly critical, deliberately pushing people away, that's a clear example of relationship sabotage. It's a way of ensuring a relationship doesn't progress or, even worse, a self-fulfilling prophecy: your actions create the very rejection you fear.

This isn't about desiring solitude; it's about a deep-seated fear of vulnerability, intimacy, or potential hurt manifesting as a preemptive strike. The pain of rejection is anticipated and avoided through self-inflicted rejection, a perverse form of control born from a feeling of helplessness.

In simpler terms, it's basically what the commenter said, “lemme leave them, before they leave me.” Just because it hurts less doing it.

So, I'm throwing the question to you, my love. What is ghosting to you and why do you ghost people?

And I know I ghosted you guys but I can explain…

*Blows you love powder and runs away*

Random : Did you ever think that maybe food testers during the 18th century were just wrongly executed because of undiagnosed food allergies?🥲 They just died for a crime which they were unaware they had committed.

Your anonymous bestie

Ree🤍