I don't know.

Do I blame my body so I don't have to feel?

I cried today because I missed someone I had literally just finished talking to. Not a breakup. Not a fight. Not even distance.

We had just said goodbye on the phone. And still, my chest did that strange hollow thing, like something had been taken from me. My eyes stung. I actually teared up.

Over what? Nothing dramatic. Just… missing them.

My first thought wasn’t wow, maybe I’m more attached than I admit.

I just went, Oh. I’m probably ovulating. Like it was a diagnosis. Like my body had filed the paperwork and stamped the folder. Hormones. Case closed.

I told my friend and she laughed and said, “Yeah, blame your body. It works for me too.”

And we both laughed.

But, the joke stuck in my throat later that night, like a fish bone you've swallowed that refuses to go down despite the bottles of water you've guzzled. Because I realized… I actually do this a lot, mostly subconsciously.

There’s this thing girls say online: “Cried all day yesterday. Period came today. I knew I wasn’t weak, it was just hormones.” And every time I see it, something in me cringes. Like… okay, yes, hormones are real. Biology is real. But also, why are we talking about emotions like they’re embarrassing glitches we need to medically justify? Why do we need proof that we’re not weak before we’re allowed to feel anything? Why is sadness acceptable only if it has a lab result?

I always roll my eyes at those posts. And then I turn around and do the exact same thing.

It’s funny how fast I reach for biology. Because I'm gangster, can't be caught doing all of that.

Sad? Must be PMS. Irritable? Cycle. Overthinking? Hormones again. Crying because I miss someone who matters to me? Clearly estrogen’s fault.

Never just: Maybe you care. Maybe you're attached. Maybe you're tender. Maybe you're hunan.

And here’s the thing, hormones do influence emotions.

They absolutely do. Everybody should know this. Some days feel heavier. Some days everything is louder. Some days you could cry because your exhausted your ink while reading for your academic comeback. So it’s not delusion. It’s chemistry.

But lately I’ve been wondering:

When does explanation quietly become escape? When does “my body made me do it” become a way to avoid saying “this actually matters to me”?

Because admitting I miss you so much I cried feels way more vulnerable than ugh, hormones are crazy this week.

One sounds needy while the other sounds scientific. Maybe blaming my body is just… armor. If it’s hormones, then it’s temporary. If it’s hormones, then it’s not that deep. If it’s hormones, then I don’t have to sit with the fact that I love someone enough to cry after saying goodnight.

Because being vulnerable is scary. It means risk. It means they could hurt me. But “ovulation” sounds clinical. Contained. Harmless. It protects me from looking soft. Even to myself.

And maybe that’s what annoys me about those “it was just my period” jokes. Not the science, but the shame underneath them. The way we rush to say: “No no, don’t worry, I’m not actually emotional.” As if being emotional is something dirty. As if feeling deeply is a character flaw. As if our bodies are the problem, not the culture that taught us softness equals weakness.

So now I’m trying something new.

Not denying my body, because she’s real and powerful and absolutely running half the show. But also not using her as my scapegoat.

Maybe it’s both.

Maybe:

Yes, my hormones are loud today.

And yes, I genuinely miss you.

And yes, I’m just a tender person sometimes.

Maybe biology doesn’t cancel vulnerability.

Maybe it just lowers the volume threshold so the truth slips out easier.

Maybe I didn’t cry because I was ovulating.

Maybe I cried because I missed you.

And maybe that’s not something I need to excuse.

Maybe it’s just something I get to own.

P.S. This piece has been collecting dust in my notes app since April, 2025. I don’t even think my friend would remember the conversation. But I’m glad I finally let myself say it out loud.

And honestly, if one of my friends read this, he’d probably go, “What’s this girl going on about now?” Because we recently had a conversation about how nonchalant I can be. How I can act detached or unfazed.

I don’t know if this piece explains that, but yeah.

Your anonymous bestie,

Ree 🤍