Pain.

Who gets to decide what hurts?

Ugh, Tuesdays. I swear, my med-surg lectures always felt like they were designed to torture me. But then, this one Tuesday, the lecturer switched gears to a topic that actually grabbed my attention: pain. Finally, something interesting! He was coming at it from a clinical angle, obviously, but my brain immediately went to the 'human' side of things, you know?

According to Margo McCaffrey, 'Pain is whatever the experiencing person says it is, existing whenever the experiencing person says it does.' It's such a simple idea, but it's also profound. It's like saying, "My pain is my truth, and you can't invalidate it."

It really got me thinking, though, about how subjective pain really is. What might feel like a mild ache to me – like, maybe a headache after a long day – could be someone else's absolute agony. It's not about being tough or weak, it's just... different for everyone. And no one can truly know what your pain feels like. And you can’t tell someone what it’s like for them.

Remember that short video trend where guys wore those period simulation patches? That was fascinating. It was a really eye-opening simulation. Finally, a way for anyone to come close to understanding the subjective, complex and never-ending world of menstruation.

And let's be honest, empathy is great in principle, but nobody can truly understand what your pain feels like. We can listen, we can offer support, but at the end of the day, it's your own personal burden to carry.

Seriously, the worst kind of pain is the kind that nobody can see. The emotional stuff that eats you up from the inside, the crushing weight of depression, the constant exhaustion of chronic fatigue, the frantic whispers of mental anguish... It's all so often minimized or dismissed, because it’s not a visible wound. Nobody can verify. You don’t get a limp, rash or any physical indicator.

That's when the 'it's not that deep' warriors come out of the woodwork. You'd almost think, they were reading from a script. "It's all in your head", "Just snap out of it".

But they know it's deep. They just can't always find the words to explain that the voices in their head are screaming louder every day, and that cutter doesn't look so scary anymore. Or maybe they just never find the words to begin with. A big wall has built up, and no one comes close.

Verbalizing pain is not about being a drama queen. It's about trying to explain the ways it's invading your whole life. It's about saying, 'This is how I feel and it needs to be seen.' ‘I'm here, I'm real, I have pain. I can explain that.’

It's about putting a voice to what you have inside - how it’s changing you, how it’s affecting the people around you. It’s as easy as saying “I don’t want to get out of bed or I’m eating a lot or I'm just irritable.”

And if after pouring your heart out to someone, they tell you to stop overreacting? Honey, don't waste another minute of your precious time on them. Give them a hard knock on the head, and if they yell, tell them to stop overreacting and never speak again. They don’t deserve to hear you.

Your anonymous bestie

Ree🤍