The friends we leave unattended

The friends turned ghost.

Hi guysssss. It's me again, and yes, I'm aware that my “s” count is a bit excessive, but it's my way of making up for my radio silence. Well, I'm back (sort of), and I'm ready to overshare like it's nobody's business.

Let's talk about the friends we all leave hanging, those friends that ended on “read”, those conversations that never got quite closed. You know, those friends that we've become to busy to check in on?

I woke up to a message from a friend, someone I hadn't spoken to in ages. He said, he was just thinking about me and the thought made him smile and he went on to ask how I was. The first thought that came to my head was that, “I guess I'm not that wicked of a person after all. Someone actually thought of me and the thought brought a smile to his face.” And that made me smile too. It was a nice reminder that I'm not completely unlikeable.

More why, receiving his message really made my day. I didn't know whether to ask what the thought was that made him smile, but I went on to ask because I needed a sort of confirmation.

This was what he said, and someone please make my heart stay still.

Now I know the feeling of, “when they remember the little things”✨

He is a guy, the guy you always have to convince your girlfriends “is just a friend”. We didn't have a romantic relationship but it almost felt like it. The late night calls that stretched on for hours, and the promise of continuing the conversation over text, the next morning. We didn't talk about the weather and all those topics people pretend to be interested in. We knew each other, if I can say that. I wanted to learn his language, because he is Arewa. Maybe he could have been my Ahmed Babangida, but I didn't cross that line. I respected him too much and he was my brother's friend, after all.

As I reread his message, it occured to me that I couldn't even remember when we stopped talking. The usual excuse in this situation is that, we both got busy. “Life gets busy”, people say, and friendship just gets put on the back burner.

I know a lot of friends that I purposely distanced myself from or cut off because I just was done with it. But with him, I didn't know. I remember him from time to time but I never had the courage to text him like he did, just to ask how he was. Classic feminine pride just wouldn't allow me. And on some days (probably during ovulation, when my hormones are raging), I'll call, under the influence, when it doesn't go through, I just give up.

But now, looking back, I realize something: We often leave friends unattended without even realizing it. Sometimes, we unintentionally move on from people. We get so caught up in our own lives, our own struggles, that we forget the people who matter to us. It's easy to think that if a friendship is strong, it will just survive without effort. But that’s not true. The truth is, relationships—whether with family, lover or friends—need constant care. We can’t assume that time or distance will keep the connection alive on its own.

It’s easy to get caught up in the busyness of life, and sometimes, people can be draining or overwhelming, but the people who truly matter won’t always be there if we don’t make the effort to reach out. We all get busy, yes, but it takes only a minute to check in, to send a simple “Hey, how have you been?” to remind someone they haven’t been forgotten.

Life is short, and sometimes the hardest part is just reaching out. It’s humbling, vulnerable, and a bit scary. But I’m starting to think that maybe, the only way to keep meaningful connections is to make that effort, even when you don’t know if the other person still cares, even when pride or awkwardness holds you back.

So, if you have someone you’ve been meaning to reach out to—someone who’s been left on "read" for too long—maybe now’s the time to send that text, make that call. We all get busy, but that doesn’t mean we should leave the people who matter in the past.

And with that, I'd like to do a special shout-out to Alabi fathiu oyindamola for checking in, makes the second person asking if I'm doing okay. You reached out because you hadn't seen a notification for my substack in a while. I hope this notification brings a smile to your face!❤️

Your anonymous bestie

Ree🤍