The paradox of loneliness

Loneliness in solitude Vs with company.

When a lot of people define loneliness, they define it as a feeling felt when you are alone. Whereas, being in solitude or isolation can be a choice. It can be a deliberate decision to spend time alone, which doesn't necessarily mean such a person is lonely. It simply means the person would like to enjoy their company, maybe time to self reflect, focus on their thoughts, emotions by tuning out the rest of the world.

Loneliness to me, is a multifaceted emotion… It can be as a result of lack of connection, an experience of feeling disconnected from others. It can stem from various factors, like, social anxiety, feeling you don't belong, etc.

I believe loneliness comes in waves. Sometimes, a quiet ache when you are alone and there is the other where you can be amidst people bustling with energy, laughter and you'll still feel lonely. Not because of anything, might be because you just don't feel it's the crowd or social interaction you crave or desire. It's the difference between physical solitude and emotional disconnect.

I remember vividly the day of my valedictory service. I should be jumping, bubbling with laughter and unshed tears as I'll be leaving friends that have shaped my life and helped with my character development. But that day, I just wasn't interested. I had put on flats, when my mum got me heels to wear ( I could tell she was very disappointed with my choice of shoes that day, but she let it slide because it was my day and dad was obviously on my side as our lack of fashion sense speaks in volume. Mummy, I'm sorry and I love you ❤️). I spent the better part of the ceremony talking to my best friend on the phone, telling her how I'm really not feeling the party and how it would have been nice if she were here. And she told me, “Shut up. Look around you, you are graduating. The fact that I'm not there in person doesn't mean I'm not with you. So, enjoy it for me!”

Okay, back to what actually brought me here. I was talking to an old friend of mine, he posted his criterias, and “ulcer patient” was among the listed. I'm sure you guys are as shocked as I was. I replied with a laugh emoji because it's actually quite funny and it was just so unexpected. He then went on to say that he actually needs a girl in his life. I told him he didn't, but I don't know why I said that. Maybe I just felt like he didn't need a girlfriend to be happy. But he said he's tired of loneliness. I pointed out that he can still be lonely in a relationship. He just laughed and said “Nah😂”.

I think it's a common misconception that relationships automatically erase loneliness. You can be lonely in a relationship where there is mismatched needs, communication issues, lack of emotional intimacy and even fear of vulnerability. Connection is a choice, in solitude and companionship.

I don't know why I chose to write in such length, maybe I just wanted to talk. It's not the absence of people that define loneliness. Loneliness, it seems is not a matter of solitude or company, but a state of mind. It can find you anywhere, a quiet whisper even amidst a crowd.

Well, adios my lovelies!💕

Your anonymous bestie

Ree🤍