We have normalised a whole lot of nonsense

All in the name of "Gen Z"

I was reading “You can feel when it's over by Mimiola” and it struck hard with me. I don't know if I'm straying from the context of her letter when I say that our generation has truly normalised a lot of rubbish and she pointed that out quite well in her write up. It's like she was holding a mirror to our generation’s relationship norms, and it's not pretty. We talk about love, but when it fades, we can't even admit it. We ghost, we disappear, we pretend it never happened. Was it ever love you felt for them, then? Is that really love or just a convenient excuse for avoiding uncomfortable truth?

Nowadays, you are seeing people in a relationship of over 13 years, sometimes with kids, calling themselves boyfriend and girlfriend, saying they don’t want to be shackled with the “M” title and the responsibility that comes with it. But what about the kids? It seems we forget that kids born out of wedlock are called bastards. So, we choose to co-parent with children, but avoid the “M” word. We are afraid of commitment but we are not afraid to have children. And then we question where childhood trauma comes from, when we've given people the liberty to call our children bastards. We wonder why children born out of wedlock are stigmatized when we are contributing to a cycle of hurt without even realising it. It's a vicious cycle of avoiding reality, and it's creating a generation of emotional baggage. And I'm not talking about single parents who chose to raise their children without a partner; those situations are entirely different.

I also remembered reading “The idea of love language is stupid by Ebun” and I agree with everything he said from top to bottom. We are so caught up in trends, and social media, trying to fit in this “perfect relationship” narrative. We are trying to tick off all the boxes, instead of just being honest with each other and let love be what it is. We are so busy figuring out which “language” we speak that we forget to just be present, be genuine, to just connect with each other.

I believe if you love someone, you want to love them with marriage in mind. I believe in love, that's built to last. I don't see myself in love with someone and I'm not picturing a future with you or how you'd look like in bed, next to me. I need to be physically and sexually attracted to you. I need to see our kids face in your face. I need to be so into you, I find myself giggling just from memories of you.

Why I am so glad that Ebun wrote about how ridiculous the love language obsession is. Because, let's be real, someone will still tell me that their “love language” is “act of service”, then proceed to leave dishes piled high and expect me to believe it's all part of their grand romantic scheme. Ahhhhhhhh, tufia kwa.

Well, till I find the love that will make me come up to breathe. I'm not settling for all this rubbish.

Your anonymous bestie

Ree🤍